Picking the right engagement ring can crumble the confidence of even the most stalwart of men.You think she’ll love whatever you choose (after all, it’s a diamond!), but you want to get it right. You want her to know that you pay enough attention to her personal style and taste that you can select the ring she would pick for herself. So the big question is, should you go traditional or modern?

Chances are, she has a growing jewelry collection. This is a good place to start. If you’re not sure what to look for, try going online. Many online jewelers have a section of their site devoted to helping you learn about what markers indicate traditional versus modern engagement rings (for example, the cut of the stone, the setting, the color, etc.). Compare the stones in her collection to online information to determine what style she prefers. If she seems to have an assortment, or if you simply can’t ascertain her personal style, you should probably go traditional.

So what does a traditional ring look like? First, you want to look for a round cut. This has been THE cut of engagement rings for almost a century and it practically guarantees optimum fire and brilliance. Next, choose a stone that is colorless (or nearly colorless). Colored stones have only recently become popular in engagement rings, but like most trends, they may not enjoy the longevity required for a piece of jewelry that she’ll likely wear for the rest of her life. Finally, look for a solitaire setting. This is usually characterized by a six-prong setting and a simple band of gold, white gold, or platinum (depending on your budget), and is always characterized by (you guessed it) one stone.

If you’re really not sure what she would like in terms of traditional versus modern engagement rings, you can always consult her female relatives (her mom will almost surely have a handle on her style) or go to a personal buyer for assistance (you can often find them online!). As a last resort, you can always ask her what she likes. But if you want to avoid tipping her off to the impending proposal, remember that upgrading the ring at a later date is always an option.

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