Miss Manners: Swapping one wedding guest for another

Pricey Miss out on MANNERS: Ah, weddings. My daughter is having married in a few months, and I am seeking ahead to a beautiful occasion. The bride and groom adamantly insisted on inviting only men and women they knew, not each individual relation. No “plus one” invites were being sent.

My sister-in-legislation approached the bride and then me, blithely suggesting she would carry her son’s ex-wife alongside to stand in for her son, who is not likely to go to. She appears to imagine wedding invites are transferable. She essentially wishes anyone there to tend to her 7-year-old granddaughter, who was invited by title on her father’s invitation.

My sister-in-law (a named guest) is welcome to convey her granddaughter (also a named guest), but the previous daughter-in-law is a stranger to both the bride and me. We evidently instructed my sister-in-regulation that was unacceptable. She has now requested a second time, and I am fearful she will just invite her in any case.

The reception is a sit-down supper with a seating chart. It will be uncomfortable, and my daughter will be carefully aggravated at currently being flouted. (I do not fault the ex-spouse, and I question she would knowingly crash a stranger’s marriage. I will go out of my way to steer clear of uncomfortable her if she does show up.) Fairly than argue with her aunt, my daughter asked me to cope with it.

How much out of line is my sister-in-law? Are we out of contact with modern-day norms? Is this a crystal clear social breach warranting a business, precautionary cellular phone contact, or is it much too petty to hassle?

Light READER: Much like most airline tickets, wedding invites are not transferrable. Sad to say, there are no monetary penalties to implement it, only social kinds. And as you place out, the ex-spouse is very likely not the just one at fault.

Your letter suggests, nonetheless, that there could be a more substantial challenge at hand — a 7-year outdated on the loose — for which Overlook Manners has a modicum of sympathy. You might have to select amongst inviting the mom, procuring help and obtaining a restless youngster at the marriage ceremony. There will probable be disruption with any of these options.

If you decide on hired help around an uninvited visitor, you may perhaps politely phrase it as, “If you are concerned about Gigi’s treatment, we realize. We may be ready to give some outdoors supervision for the little ones. But usually, we are confining the guest listing to only folks that we know.”

** ** **

Pricey Miss MANNERS: When we entertain vegetarians for evening meal in our house, our menu is normally all-vegetarian. When we dine out in dining establishments with vegetarians, should we refrain from taking in fish or meat out of thought for their dining tastes?

Mild READER: Unless your companions have an airborne fish or meat allergy, a cafe is a place exactly where all diners are entitled to order what they like — with out anxiety of judgment or rebuke.

That stated, Miss Manners and your vegetarian companions would obtain it gracious of you not to purchase a big slab of bleeding cow, or to pick a restaurant named “Meat Meat Meat.” Even though she does hear they have an fantastic salad bar.

(Remember to send out your concerns to Overlook Manners at her web site, www.missmanners.com to her e-mail, [email protected] or via postal mail to Pass up Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

** ** **



1130 Walnut St., Kansas Town, MO 64106 816-581-7500